Embarking on a journey toward your best self often means confronting one of the most discouraging obstacles: fear. In this post, I delve into the intricacies of overcoming fear, offering actionable insights and practical strategies to empower you on your path to personal growth and fulfillment. Whether you’re striving to conquer public speaking anxiety, overcome self-doubt, or tackle the unknown, Best Self 101: Overcoming Fear equips you with the tools to navigate fear’s grip and emerge victorious in your pursuit of a more confident, resilient you.

Recognizing Fear

Fear is biologically wired into our brain to keep us safe, but its effects are so strong that we can’t overcome it -even when it’s not a sensible fear. Usually, this fear is a fear of loss or failure. For me it’s a fear of what others will think, a fear of failing as a parent, a fear of not meeting others’ expectations, and even a fear of success.

“Why would anyone fear success?” you might ask. Well, fear of success is actually the fear that when you become successful you won’t be able to meet the demands and expectations that success can bring. (Mind = blown when I realized this!)

So how can you overcome fear and not allow it to hold you back? First you have to understand it and become aware of it. This is where you read about it in books, listen to podcasts, do a workshop, and read posts like this one. Understand it to the best of your ability. You can’t take action until you know your fears very personally.

Then, you have to understand that you can’t ever become completely fearless and accept that. Resisting the fear leads to more fear. Dr. Julie Smith, author of “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?” puts it this way:

Doing the Work

We may never get to a place of eradicating fear, but what you can do is leverage fear when it arises. Notice it and actively choose a different path rather than succumb to the fear. In the moment, choose to change your physiology by exercise, meditation, getting outside, etc.

Long-term you can create a plan. Identify your biggest fears and write down actionable steps you can take, either daily or weekly, to move past them.

For example, one of my biggest fears is putting this blog out to the public. Instead of letting that hold me back, I promised myself I would take one step every day towards launching without worrying about the actual day of putting it out there. I have worked on my website, written posts, brainstormed, and educated myself about blogging, etc. At the time of writing this, I have only told maybe three people about my blog. I’m currently working through my fear of what others will think, and focusing on the tiny steps I need to take until I come face-to-face with making this public.

It is hard work becoming aware of your fears, and doing the work to overcome them. The following suggestions should give you a framework for navigating and overcoming fear:

1. Understand Fear

We can’t improve what we aren’t aware of. Gaining an understanding of fear is the first step to overcoming it. In this phase, I suggest reading and listening to the following:

“Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brené Brown – While not solely focused on fear, Brown’s work explores vulnerability and courage, providing valuable insights into overcoming fear’s grip.

“Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?: Remedy Your Fears and Conquer Life” by Julie Smith – Smith’s book provides insightful remedies for common fears and anxieties that many people face. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, readers are guided on a journey of understanding and conquering fear, empowering them to live more confidently and authentically.

Podcast Episodes: On Purpose with Jay Shetty – 6 Refreshing Ways to Cope with Anxiety and Stop Fear from Stopping You, also Jay Shetty – 10 Things We Fear the Most and 5 Ways to Build More Confidence About the Future, We Can Do Hard Things with Glenn Doyle – Dr. Brene Brown: On Holding Boundaries & Facing Our Fear, Help Me Be Me with Sarah May B – Self-Regulation Tools for Calming Anxiety and Fear Forecasting.

Even if you only read or listened to just two things above, I’m confident it would lighten the topic and give you more confidence to approach the roadblocks in your way.

2. Journal and Reflect

Once you’ve become more aware of fear by exposing yourself to the resources above, it’s time to journal and reflect on your own fears. Maybe you do this simultaneously while listening to one of the podcast episodes or after a chapter from the suggested books. Whatever it looks like, you can’t move through your fears without defining them and reflecting on how they’ve held you back. Here are a few journal prompts to get you started:

1. Identifying Fears: Take a moment to list and describe three fears that frequently come to mind when you contemplate taking a significant step forward in your life. Reflect on why these fears arise and how they make you feel.
2. Exploring Origins: Consider the origins of one of your listed fears. Reflect on whether it stems from a past experience, societal expectations, or internalized beliefs. How has this fear evolved over time, and how does it currently manifest in your life?
3. Impact on Decision-making: Reflect on a recent decision you made or a goal you set for yourself. How did your fears influence this decision or goal? Did they motivate you to take action, or did they hold you back? Consider how you might approach similar situations differently in the future.
4. Challenging Assumptions: Challenge one of your fears by asking yourself: What evidence do I have to support this fear? Are there alternative perspectives or possibilities that I haven’t considered? Explore how questioning your assumptions about fear can help you reframe your thinking and take proactive steps forward.
5. Developing Strategies: Brainstorm three strategies or coping mechanisms you can implement to confront and overcome your fears. Consider both practical actions, such as seeking support from others or breaking tasks into smaller steps, and inner work, such as practicing mindfulness or self-compassion. Reflect on how these strategies might empower you to move past your fears and pursue your goals with greater confidence.

3. Meditation and Yoga

So you’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and journaled your way through your fears. Well, there’s one (or two) more things I highly suggest you integrate into your daily practice: meditation and yoga.

A lot of times we are so disconnected with our bodies that it’s difficult to even pinpoint the feeling of fear or what exactly we are afraid of. Meditation allows you to take a break from all the distractions and tune into your thoughts and feelings. The more you do it, the more aware you are of how you feel about events throughout the day. With enough practice, you’ll be able to note when specific feelings arise and allow them to pass without sending you into a spiral of self-doubt. Two of my favorite places for meditation are Headspace and Peloton. I’ve heard that Calm is a great free meditation app, and I know you can also find great free meditations on YouTube. Start with just 5 minutes a day, I promise it will change you for the better!

Yoga is another great way to connect with your body, with the added benefit of movement while focusing on your breath. Not only are you lengthening your muscles, but you’re also learning to stabilize them and ground yourself. The focus on breath helps regulate your nervous system, especially through belly breathing and slow out-breaths. This connection with your body is felt all the way down to your cells, making you better equipped to think clearly and handle stressors when they arise. Again, I love using Peloton for yoga, but YouTube is a great resource for free yoga content! Try beginning your day with a ten minute morning yoga flow, or end it with a relaxing slow flow. You will fall in love with the practice, and your body will love you more for it.

Overcoming Fear

I’ve had to ask myself, “What fear is worse than my fear of failure?” and that answer is the fear of looking back at my life and wishing I would have just went for it. That is far worse than any judgement of putting myself out there.

Brene Brown talks about how fear leads to shame and shame leads to fear, creating a cycle we can’t break out of. Shame, she says, is our fear of disconnection. So a lot of our fear of what others will think comes from the fear of being ostracized, when really our vulnerability connects us all more deeply. With this in mind, hopefully our desire for connection can overpower our fear of shame.

Lastly, I want you to change your perspective on fear. Think of fear as a necessary teacher. Without it, we wouldn’t know how to keep ourselves safe. But we also need it to understand ourselves better. Pema Chodron says this beautifully in When Things Fall Apart:

I hope this helps you view fear from a more positive perspective. Lean into it. Let fear teach you something about yourself. Leverage fear to your advantage.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo Jamie Jo

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