One of the biggest drivers of your choices is fear. Unfortunately, fear usually drives us away from what we want most.

Fear is biologically wired into our brain to keep us safe, but its effects are so strong that we can’t overcome it -even when it’s not a sensible fear. Usually, this fear is a fear of loss or failure. For me it’s a fear of what others will think, a fear of failing as a parent, a fear of not meeting others’ expectations, and even a fear of success.

“Why would anyone fear success?” you might ask. Well, fear of success is actually the fear that when you become successful you won’t be able to meet the demands and expectations that success can bring. (Mind = blown when I realized this!)

So how can you overcome fear and not allow it to hold you back? First you have to understand it and become aware of it. This is where you read about it, listen to podcasts, journal, do a workshop, meditate, and reflect. Understand it to the best of your ability. You can’t take action until you know your fears very personally.

Then, you have to understand that you can’t ever become completely fearless and accept that. Resisting the fear leads to more fear. Dr. Julie Smith puts it this way:

What you can do is leverage fear when it arises. Notice it and actively choose a different path rather than succumb to the fear. In the moment, choose to change your physiology by exercise, meditation, getting outside, etc.

Long-term you can create a plan. Identify your biggest fears and write down actionable steps you can take, either daily or weekly, to move past them.

For example, one of my biggest fears is putting my blog out to the public. Instead of letting that hold me back, I promised myself I would take one step everyday towards launching without worrying about the actual day of putting it out there. I have worked on my website, written posts, brainstormed and educated myself about blogging, etc. At the time of writing this I have only told maybe three people about my blog. I’m currently working through my fear of what others will think, and focusing on the tiny steps I need to take until I come face-to-face with making this public.

I had to ask myself, “What fear is worse than my fear of failure?” and that answer is the fear of looking back at my life and wishing I would have just went for it. That is far worse than any judgement of putting myself out there.

Brene Brown talks about how fear leads to shame and shame leads to fear, creating a cycle we can’t break out of. Shame, she says, is our fear of disconnection. So a lot of our fear of what others will think comes from the fear of being ostracized, when really our vulnerability connects us all more deeply. With this in mind, hopefully our desire for connection can overpower our fear of shame.

Lastly, I want you to change your perspective on fear. Think of fear as a necessary teacher. Without it, we wouldn’t know how to keep ourselves safe. But we also need it to understand ourselves better. Pema Chodron says this beautifully in When Things Fall Apart:

I hope this helps you view fear from a more positive perspective. Lean into it. Let fear teach you something about yourself. Leverage fear to your advantage.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo Jamie Jo

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